1
00:00:09,241 --> 00:00:10,895
♪ You know it's gotta be
G'd up ♪

2
00:00:10,896 --> 00:00:12,654
♪ The kind of ish that make
you cowards get beat up ♪

3
00:00:12,655 --> 00:00:14,930
♪ We on the outs until
we caught it and go do bids ♪

4
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,826
♪ Man, you know the streets
ain't for kids ♪

5
00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:18,240
♪ Come on ♪

6
00:00:18,241 --> 00:00:21,482
♪ I can't take the hood
out of me ♪

7
00:00:26,931 --> 00:00:28,654
Damn you, Folgers crystals!

8
00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:30,136
What's going on, Ma?

9
00:00:30,137 --> 00:00:32,481
Maybe you need
to lay off the coffee.

10
00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:34,999
That judge did give you
a strict three-cup-a-day limit.

11
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,757
It's not that, boulder head.

12
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:39,895
I'm in a rush 'cause I just
heard my beautician Ronda

13
00:00:39,896 --> 00:00:41,654
is out sick
with the hantavirus.

14
00:00:41,655 --> 00:00:43,309
Hanta-what?

15
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,619
It's something you can get
when you're exposed to rodents.

16
00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,826
She can't do my hair
because she has diarrhea

17
00:00:47,827 --> 00:00:50,102
and severe abdominal pain.

18
00:00:50,103 --> 00:00:51,688
She's so selfish.

19
00:00:51,689 --> 00:00:54,826
Now I have to do a walk-in
at my old salon

20
00:00:54,827 --> 00:00:56,447
if I want my hair
to be acceptable

21
00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:58,688
for the pastor's anniversary
tomorrow night.

22
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:00,171
I'm glad I'm not you, Ma.

23
00:01:00,172 --> 00:01:01,654
Last time
you got your hair done,

24
00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:02,964
you were there so long,

25
00:01:02,965 --> 00:01:04,171
you missed a major milestone
in my life.

26
00:01:04,172 --> 00:01:05,999
For the umpteenth time,
I apologize

27
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,757
for not being
at your christening

28
00:01:07,758 --> 00:01:10,481
because I had to get my hair
done for your christening!

29
00:01:10,482 --> 00:01:13,378
Well, I better hurry up and get
myself on that walk-in list.

30
00:01:13,379 --> 00:01:15,309
I don't have time
to make you boys lunch,

31
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:17,171
so I'm writing a detailed list
of everything

32
00:01:17,172 --> 00:01:19,412
I need your uncle to do.

33
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,895
He's in charge when I'm gone,
so whatever he says goes.

34
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,447
Understand?
- Yeah.

35
00:01:24,448 --> 00:01:26,033
- I guess.
- Good.

36
00:01:26,034 --> 00:01:27,619
Now, give this to your uncle

37
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:30,136
and be sure to let him know
this money is only to be used

38
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:32,550
for an emergency!

39
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,447
Ooh, pray for me.

40
00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:37,102
You know I'm going to need it.

41
00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:40,550
There's two things
I look for in a man,

42
00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:43,654
the money to control
his own destiny

43
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:46,619
and bomb dance skills.

44
00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,826
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

45
00:01:48,827 --> 00:01:50,550
Were you thinking about how
fine Halle Berry be looking?

46
00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:52,102
No, you idiot!

47
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,688
I'm not talking
about Halle Berry,

48
00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,171
although she is fine.

49
00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:56,757
I was just thinking,
maybe we should split

50
00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:59,136
the emergency cash
and then trash the note.

51
00:01:59,137 --> 00:02:01,136
Unc would never know!

52
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:04,585
Damn, Kev, that's the kind
of maniacal shit I would do.

53
00:02:04,586 --> 00:02:07,861
I'm sure this has got something
to do with that Rhe-Rhe.

54
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:10,792
Good enough for me.

55
00:02:10,793 --> 00:02:13,481
Now give me my cut.

56
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:17,550
What's all this damn
jibber-jabber about?

57
00:02:17,551 --> 00:02:19,757
Y'all fucking with
a nigga beauty sleep.

58
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:22,309
Nothing, Mom had
an emergency hair appointment.

59
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,171
Poor, poor woman.

60
00:02:24,172 --> 00:02:25,930
God bless her.

61
00:02:25,931 --> 00:02:28,792
She said you're in charge
while she's gone, Unc.

62
00:02:28,793 --> 00:02:30,861
And she say you got to do
all the house chores

63
00:02:30,862 --> 00:02:33,136
and clean up our rooms, too.

64
00:02:33,137 --> 00:02:34,964
That's a heavy
responsibility,

65
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:38,550
which is going to require me
to be a little bit more caring.

66
00:02:38,551 --> 00:02:40,378
Now hurry up and get dressed

67
00:02:40,379 --> 00:02:43,240
and get the fuck
out of my hide!

68
00:02:43,241 --> 00:02:46,723
Ladies, as you can see,
everybody and their mama

69
00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:48,585
is up in here
to get their hair done

70
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,067
for the pastor's anniversary.

71
00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:55,343
So I kindly ask you to please
be patient and courteous.

72
00:02:55,344 --> 00:02:57,930
Uh-uh,
forget all that!

73
00:02:57,931 --> 00:03:01,964
My baby hair need to be
attended to, pronto.

74
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:06,309
If you have a problem
properly conducting yourselves,

75
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:10,619
I will shove a hot comb
down your fucking throat!

76
00:03:10,620 --> 00:03:12,343
Ay, Dios.

77
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:14,896
Do I make myself clear?

78
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,033
I always knew
this place was ghetto,

79
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:21,447
but not level-orange ghetto.

80
00:03:21,448 --> 00:03:24,171
Hey, Keisha, girl!

81
00:03:24,172 --> 00:03:28,378
Well, if it isn't Nancy,

82
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,171
I'm too good
to get my hair done

83
00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:32,378
at Keisha's anymore, Hart.

84
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,412
It's nothing like that,
Keisha.

85
00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:35,516
I didn't want to leave.

86
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,412
You know the only reason
I left you

87
00:03:37,413 --> 00:03:39,964
was because you had to go away
for a little while.

88
00:03:39,965 --> 00:03:41,895
Well, ain't nobody perfect.

89
00:03:41,896 --> 00:03:44,481
A bitch had to do a week
in the county

90
00:03:44,482 --> 00:03:46,585
because she got some
unresolved anger issues.

91
00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:49,619
- Ow!
- I completely understand.

92
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,619
It is a struggle sometimes.

93
00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:54,688
And about that,
could you see your way clear

94
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:57,481
to squeezing me in
on your waiting list?

95
00:03:57,482 --> 00:04:00,550
I really need my hair done.

96
00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:03,861
Hmm, I got to do
a finger wave,

97
00:04:03,862 --> 00:04:06,619
some spiral curls,
a couple of side ponytails,

98
00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:09,516
a bob, swoop, crimps,
and some French twists.

99
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:12,481
You're number 12
on the wait list.

100
00:04:12,482 --> 00:04:14,654
See, now,
this is some bullshit.

101
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,930
She's the third person
you gave number 12.

102
00:04:16,931 --> 00:04:20,964
Can somebody
hand me my hot comb?

103
00:04:25,172 --> 00:04:27,861
Ugh, good thing I brought
a book to read.

104
00:04:27,862 --> 00:04:29,447
Girl, we going to
be here so long,

105
00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,550
you should have brought
a book to write.

106
00:04:31,551 --> 00:04:33,205
Boys and girls,
we are holding

107
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,378
art class outside today.

108
00:04:35,379 --> 00:04:36,757
This is going
to be so much fun!

109
00:04:36,758 --> 00:04:38,585
That's what
I'm talking about, bitch.

110
00:04:38,586 --> 00:04:40,999
So we can paint
our Black pride mural.

111
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,585
This is bullshit, bitch!

112
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,895
All right, I know
it's really exciting,

113
00:04:45,896 --> 00:04:48,792
but we will be starting
right after lunch, OK?

114
00:04:51,586 --> 00:04:55,067
Lunch is Kev's time
to really impress Rhe-Rhe.

115
00:04:55,068 --> 00:04:57,102
Watch the master work.

116
00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:00,585
Uh, hey, Rhe-Rhe.

117
00:05:00,586 --> 00:05:02,343
I just want you to know
that I have what it takes

118
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,550
to control my destiny.

119
00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:04,861
I jumped the fence,

120
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:06,585
went over to that cart
right there,

121
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:08,309
and I purchased
my lunch today,

122
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:09,826
did it with my own money.

123
00:05:09,827 --> 00:05:11,688
Got myself a cheesesteak
with extra peppers,

124
00:05:11,689 --> 00:05:13,757
a Frank's black cherry
to wash it down,

125
00:05:13,758 --> 00:05:15,826
and a strawberry yogurt
for dessert.

126
00:05:15,827 --> 00:05:18,102
Ain't no other kids in here
buying their own stuff

127
00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,964
with they broke asses.

128
00:05:19,965 --> 00:05:22,136
Oh, OK.

129
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:26,895
Uh, did y'all hear that?
OK, that's short for, ooh, Kev!

130
00:05:26,896 --> 00:05:30,171
♪ Work that thing, yeah,
let me see you do it ♪

131
00:05:30,172 --> 00:05:32,171
♪ Show me what you got ♪

132
00:05:32,172 --> 00:05:34,895
♪ It's time to get into it ♪

133
00:05:36,862 --> 00:05:39,550
Lunch period
has now started.

134
00:05:39,551 --> 00:05:41,619
All you poor kids,
please have

135
00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,550
your free-lunch cards out

136
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,136
to prove that your family...
- Gotta get dirty.

137
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:47,550
Has no money.

138
00:05:47,551 --> 00:05:51,964
It's showtime!

139
00:05:51,965 --> 00:05:54,240
There you go, child.

140
00:05:54,241 --> 00:05:56,205
God bless you.

141
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:01,309
Morning, Ms. Gloria.

142
00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:05,102
Hello, young man.

143
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:08,136
How's your mother,
still haven't found a job?

144
00:06:08,137 --> 00:06:11,412
Nope, it's been months now.

145
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,309
And she's too proud to admit

146
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:16,619
that we need
free-lunch tickets.

147
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,654
Oh, that poor, sad,
impoverished woman!

148
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:23,586
I will keep her in my prayers.

149
00:06:25,862 --> 00:06:27,861
Here.

150
00:06:27,862 --> 00:06:29,481
Bless you.

151
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:32,240
My eight siblings and I can
stretch this for dinner tonight

152
00:06:32,241 --> 00:06:34,102
and breakfast tomorrow.

153
00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,550
Take these, too.

154
00:06:36,551 --> 00:06:39,999
God bless you, ma'am.

155
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,550
I got turkey sandwiches.

156
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,619
Turkey sandwiches here,

157
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:46,033
made with the finest
government cheeses.

158
00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:50,619
Yes, sir, this $6
pushcart cheesesteak

159
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,930
with extra peppers
is delicious,

160
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:57,067
probably the best that I--

161
00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,516
Mm, I'm glad you're
enjoying your food.

162
00:07:00,517 --> 00:07:02,861
OK, let's get going
on our pride mural.

163
00:07:02,862 --> 00:07:05,654
We will be working in pairs.

164
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:07,723
Oh, come on, God.
Please let me be with Rhe-Rhe.

165
00:07:07,724 --> 00:07:09,688
Come on, please, please,
please, please, please!

166
00:07:09,689 --> 00:07:13,516
Rhe-Rhe will be partnered
with Kevin.

167
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,861
Oh, my God, my prayer worked!

168
00:07:15,862 --> 00:07:17,723
Oh, I got to start going
to church more often.

169
00:07:17,724 --> 00:07:19,792
Let's make a thing of beauty.

170
00:07:19,793 --> 00:07:21,964
♪ It's you and me,
you and me ♪

171
00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:23,964
♪ And it's mostly
happy, heavy ♪

172
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:27,274
♪ 'Cause I love it, love it ♪

173
00:07:27,275 --> 00:07:30,033
♪ When I'm here with you,
with you, with you ♪

174
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:34,964
♪ Yeah, it makes me feel so,
feel so, feel so happy ♪

175
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,033
Um, Kevin, are you OK?

176
00:07:41,034 --> 00:07:42,343
Of course.

177
00:07:42,344 --> 00:07:44,964
Everything's always OK
when you're around.

178
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,136
Hold on, oh, man.

179
00:07:47,137 --> 00:07:52,826
I had a dream that you got
the bubble guts, Kev!

180
00:07:52,827 --> 00:07:56,343
Excuse me, Miss Green?
Can I get a pass?

181
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:58,309
OK, oh, God.

182
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,171
Kev's going to blow.

183
00:08:00,172 --> 00:08:04,654
Brothers and sisters, do what
I didn't do in Memphis, duck!

184
00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:08,309
Ew!

185
00:08:08,310 --> 00:08:11,309
Everybody, from now on,
Kev's new nickname

186
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:14,412
is the Green Chunk Punk.

187
00:08:14,413 --> 00:08:15,930
all:
Green Chunk Punk,

188
00:08:15,931 --> 00:08:19,688
Green Chunk Punk,
Green Chunk Punk!

189
00:08:19,689 --> 00:08:23,378
I am not controlling
my own destiny

190
00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,171
right now.

191
00:08:28,896 --> 00:08:32,654
Next on BET,
"Mr. Baby's Mom,"

192
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:35,205
starring Larenz Tate.

193
00:08:35,206 --> 00:08:38,102
Pfft, that nigga Larenz Tate
parenting skills

194
00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:41,136
ain't got shit on mine.

195
00:08:41,137 --> 00:08:45,585
Unc, my life
as I know it is over!

196
00:08:45,586 --> 00:08:48,447
A mother's work is never done.

197
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:55,343
Oh.

198
00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:01,033
Hello, Richard.
I did it!

199
00:09:01,034 --> 00:09:03,930
I know it's late,
but I finally got in the chair,

200
00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:07,861
and I'm not leaving until I get
that Halle Berry special.

201
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,481
I need you to continue

202
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,102
running the house
until I get back,

203
00:09:11,103 --> 00:09:13,550
no matter how long it takes.
- No problem.

204
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,826
Everything's good here.

205
00:09:14,827 --> 00:09:16,688
Emergency--No, no!

206
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:18,723
I'll see you
when you get out. Bye!

207
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,999
Don't puke
on my bathroom floor.

208
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,274
I just waxed it!
- Oh.

209
00:09:24,275 --> 00:09:28,067
Mm, just like they used
to make it in the joint,

210
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,585
so penitentiary.
- Good morning, Unc.

211
00:09:31,586 --> 00:09:33,757
Damn, Kev,
It's 10-o-fucking clock.

212
00:09:33,758 --> 00:09:35,412
Why the hell you not in school?

213
00:09:35,413 --> 00:09:38,309
Well, first of all, you know,
I still feel a little shaky,

214
00:09:38,310 --> 00:09:41,205
and, secondly, I'm never,
never going back there

215
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,102
after what happened
to me yesterday.

216
00:09:43,103 --> 00:09:45,309
I refuse to be called
the Green Chunk Punk

217
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,964
for the rest of my life.

218
00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:50,067
Oh, so you're going to let
a little bitch-ass tummy ache

219
00:09:50,068 --> 00:09:52,688
stop you from getting
your grind on, hmm?

220
00:09:52,689 --> 00:09:54,309
Yes,
that's pretty much my plan.

221
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:55,826
Wrong!

222
00:09:55,827 --> 00:09:58,654
If you don't go back there
and handle that shit

223
00:09:58,655 --> 00:10:01,309
the right way,
guarantee, they'll call you

224
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,861
Green Chunk Punk
for the rest of your life.

225
00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:05,447
- Huh?
- OK.

226
00:10:05,448 --> 00:10:06,723
Seeing as
I'm your parent now,

227
00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:08,102
let me help you out in a way

228
00:10:08,103 --> 00:10:10,343
that Cliff Huxtable
helped out Theo.

229
00:10:10,344 --> 00:10:13,688
Man, in the joint one time,
I was playing one-on-one

230
00:10:13,689 --> 00:10:15,619
with a dude named Dozy Loke.

231
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:16,895
They called him Dozy Loke

232
00:10:16,896 --> 00:10:18,654
because the nigga
had narcolepsy.

233
00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:20,999
Anyway, he goes up for a dunk.

234
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,274
I'm talking
the Clyde the Glide,

235
00:10:23,275 --> 00:10:27,205
nuts-in-your-face kind of dunk.
- Ah, oh, ow, oh, ugh.

236
00:10:27,206 --> 00:10:29,171
Well, that made everybody
on the yard

237
00:10:29,172 --> 00:10:31,895
start calling me Teabag Richie.
- Oh, my.

238
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:34,378
That really happened to you?
- Oh, hell, yeah.

239
00:10:34,379 --> 00:10:36,309
Who's going to lie
about balls in their face?

240
00:10:36,310 --> 00:10:37,999
I mean, I ain't got
no problem with it,

241
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,792
if that's what you're into.

242
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,999
Every fucking day, people
called me Teabag Richie.

243
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,895
I couldn't stand that shit.

244
00:10:43,896 --> 00:10:47,757
So I waited till the next time
Dozy Loke nodded off,

245
00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:49,792
and I slapped
that nigga so hard,

246
00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:51,826
I cured his narcolepsy.

247
00:10:51,827 --> 00:10:56,412
After that, everybody called me
Back Slap Bill.

248
00:10:56,413 --> 00:10:58,412
That's what you got to do.

249
00:10:58,413 --> 00:11:00,964
- Cure somebody's narcolepsy?
- No, fool.

250
00:11:00,965 --> 00:11:02,826
Change the narrative!

251
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,274
You gotta roll back up
to that school

252
00:11:04,275 --> 00:11:06,481
and do something
that'll make them forget

253
00:11:06,482 --> 00:11:07,930
all about Green Chunk Punk.

254
00:11:07,931 --> 00:11:09,930
Control your destiny.

255
00:11:09,931 --> 00:11:12,792
Control it with your chest!

256
00:11:12,793 --> 00:11:14,895
You know what?
I will.

257
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:16,999
Thanks for the advice, Unc.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

258
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,688
Just don't, uh,
try that slap thing.

259
00:11:19,689 --> 00:11:21,688
I got that shit trademarked.

260
00:11:23,827 --> 00:11:26,481
How you doing today, Robert?

261
00:11:26,482 --> 00:11:28,378
Taking it day by day.

262
00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:32,757
My cousins Nettie, Adam,
and Celia just visiting,

263
00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:35,067
and they haven't had
real food in months,

264
00:11:35,068 --> 00:11:37,550
just Pop Rocks and Tic Tacs.

265
00:11:37,551 --> 00:11:40,240
Why must we live like this?

266
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,792
Oh, here, son.

267
00:11:43,793 --> 00:11:45,585
Take these
so you and those babies

268
00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:46,999
can have full bellies.

269
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,343
Thank you so much,
Ms. Gloria.

270
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:53,481
Nettie, Adam, and Celia?

271
00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:56,378
Now, where have I heard
those names before?

272
00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:02,792
Oh, hello, Kevin.
Are you feeling better?

273
00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:06,102
- Yes, Miss Green.
- I'm glad.

274
00:12:06,103 --> 00:12:09,447
Well, we're going to give
the mural another try.

275
00:12:09,448 --> 00:12:11,033
You know, we move on.

276
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:15,309
Hey, Green Chunk Punk showed
his green chunk face again!

277
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:17,964
Yes, we do move on.

278
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:21,447
It's time.
Don't mess up on your lines.

279
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,964
Look, everybody,
Kev's rocking the new style

280
00:12:23,965 --> 00:12:25,688
that Kris Kross made popular!

281
00:12:25,689 --> 00:12:27,205
What?

282
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:31,171
Mr. Hart, your overalls
appear to be on backwards!

283
00:12:31,172 --> 00:12:33,205
No, they're on right,
Principal Johnson.

284
00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:36,136
Kris Kross Kev
is changing the narrative.

285
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:38,274
Hit it!

286
00:12:38,275 --> 00:12:40,826
♪ Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ♪

287
00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:42,964
♪ Lil Kev'll make you
jump, jump ♪

288
00:12:42,965 --> 00:12:45,343
Oh, no, man, I gotta--

289
00:12:45,344 --> 00:12:46,585
♪ Jump, jump ♪

290
00:12:46,586 --> 00:12:49,033
I gotta go.
Come on, come on.

291
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:50,757
Oh, no, man, stupid overalls!

292
00:12:50,758 --> 00:12:52,619
Why won't you work backwards?

293
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,999
This cannot be happening!

294
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,378
It's everywhere!
It's even in my socks!

295
00:12:58,379 --> 00:13:02,550
Oh, man, Green Chunk Punk
shit all over himself.

296
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:06,964
From now on,
Kev's new name is Caca Kev!

297
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:10,516
all:
Caca Kev! Caca Kev!

298
00:13:10,517 --> 00:13:12,688
Caca Kev!

299
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:18,516
Get your burritos,
hot and mild sauce included!

300
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:20,861
Your cousin's names are
from "The Color Purple"!

301
00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:22,378
Oh, shit, Ms. Gloria!

302
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:24,757
I am so ashamed
that I lied to you.

303
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:28,240
I'm just glad my mother isn't
alive to see me like this.

304
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,171
Did I mention she died
this morning?

305
00:13:30,172 --> 00:13:32,826
My mother, Claudine?
- Claudine?

306
00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:34,861
Boy, get your butt back
into that school!

307
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:38,343
Ooh, Nancy,
your hair is so pretty!

308
00:13:38,344 --> 00:13:41,067
You must have Indian
in your family.

309
00:13:41,068 --> 00:13:43,067
Almost done,
just a couple more hours,

310
00:13:43,068 --> 00:13:44,688
and you'll be out of here.

311
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:47,930
Everybody on the ground
right now, or I'll fuck you up.

312
00:13:47,931 --> 00:13:49,964
Calm down, cheeky.
- A knife.

313
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:52,102
Now listen to me
and listen to me good.

314
00:13:52,103 --> 00:13:54,930
I want a flat-iron flip
with some of them waterfalls

315
00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:57,481
and a swoop, not now,
but right the hell now.

316
00:13:57,482 --> 00:14:00,033
And, you, get the hell
out of my chair!

317
00:14:02,448 --> 00:14:03,723
Fuck you!

318
00:14:03,724 --> 00:14:04,861
I'm going to SuperCut,
where they know

319
00:14:04,862 --> 00:14:06,067
how to treat a bitch right.

320
00:14:06,068 --> 00:14:07,274
And if you come back,

321
00:14:07,275 --> 00:14:09,619
I'll jam these scissors
in your eye!

322
00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:14,792
I do believe you were
about to bump my ends?

323
00:14:14,793 --> 00:14:16,723
Attention, students!

324
00:14:16,724 --> 00:14:18,757
Kevin has cleaned himself up.

325
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,654
He is wearing clothes
from the lost and found

326
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:24,895
and a hat that he hopes
will change the narrative.

327
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:26,619
Do not mock him.

328
00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:29,654
Repeat, do not mock him!

329
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:31,826
You are welcome!

330
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,550
- Hey, guys.
- Look, everyone!

331
00:14:33,551 --> 00:14:36,585
It's Caca Kev,
wearing a crappy cap.

332
00:14:36,586 --> 00:14:40,585
all:
Caca Kev, crappy cap!

333
00:14:40,586 --> 00:14:43,033
Caca Kev, crappy cap!

334
00:14:43,034 --> 00:14:44,757
That's enough!

335
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:46,964
I'm tired of being the butt
of your little stupid joke.

336
00:14:46,965 --> 00:14:49,723
Y'all hear that?
Caca Kev said "butt"!

337
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:56,723
You fucking fat-head,
ass-yanking, snaggle-tooth,

338
00:14:56,724 --> 00:14:58,447
bear-breath, ringworm-having,

339
00:14:58,448 --> 00:15:00,550
reject from three
different foster homes,

340
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:03,516
flunked out of the third grade
dumbass motherfucker!

341
00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:09,240
Oh, I ain't done.

342
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,343
You musty,
no-deodorant-wearing,

343
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,343
booger-nose, paste-eating,
mama's a ho,

344
00:15:13,344 --> 00:15:15,274
has been on Maury Povich
eight times,

345
00:15:15,275 --> 00:15:18,033
but still don't know
who your daddy is ass nigga!

346
00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:25,378
Man down!

347
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:27,550
Kev ain't Caca Kev no more.

348
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,481
He's Comedy Kev now.

349
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:32,654
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!

350
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:35,136
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!

351
00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:37,688
Oh, my God, I did it.

352
00:15:37,689 --> 00:15:39,412
I changed the narrative!

353
00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:42,619
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev,

354
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:47,310
Comedy Kev,
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!

355
00:15:49,620 --> 00:15:51,688
Fight, fight, fight!

356
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,964
Fight, fight, fight, fight!

357
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:55,550
I'll be back with the author

358
00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:59,033
of "My Menopause, Myself"
in a minute.

359
00:15:59,034 --> 00:16:01,654
Don't nobody know our pain.

360
00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:05,274
Yo, who this?

361
00:16:05,275 --> 00:16:07,585
I am the principal
at Kevin's school.

362
00:16:07,586 --> 00:16:11,481
Damn, nigga, what the fuck?
Is you on a bullhorn?

363
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:13,688
Oops, my bad!

364
00:16:13,689 --> 00:16:15,861
I'm calling to let you know
that Kevin

365
00:16:15,862 --> 00:16:18,792
got into a little altercation
this afternoon.

366
00:16:18,793 --> 00:16:22,067
He has a few minor injuries,
but he'll live.

367
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,861
Bring a fresh set of clothes
and come get him.

368
00:16:24,862 --> 00:16:26,516
I changed the narrative, Unc.

369
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:29,378
I did exactly what you told me
to do, and it worked!

370
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:32,481
Oh, shit.
I'm on my way.

371
00:16:34,413 --> 00:16:37,067
Damn, this parenting shit
ain't no joke.

372
00:16:37,068 --> 00:16:38,792
Who this now?

373
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:41,723
May I please speak to the
legal guardian of Robert Hart?

374
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:44,999
Fuck!

375
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,033
If I don't get this shit fixed,
Nancy gonna kill my Black ass.

376
00:16:48,034 --> 00:16:49,240
Oh, shit.

377
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,757
Ah, my man Richard!
What's the hurry?

378
00:16:56,758 --> 00:17:00,033
Oh, man, Nancy put me
in charge of your damn kids

379
00:17:00,034 --> 00:17:02,240
while she's in the hair salon,

380
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:04,516
and I just got a call
from their school,

381
00:17:04,517 --> 00:17:06,102
talking about
I got to get down there

382
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,688
and deal with some bullshit
they done got themselves into.

383
00:17:09,689 --> 00:17:12,619
Ooh, boy,
I sure don't envy you.

384
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:16,102
Good luck with that.
- They your kids, motherfucker!

385
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:20,895
I've been their mom and dad
by myself, no help, no sleep,

386
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,688
no pussy for 48 hours.

387
00:17:23,689 --> 00:17:27,136
Do I look like Eddie
motherfucking Murphy, nigga?

388
00:17:27,137 --> 00:17:29,067
All right, all right,
well, I'll do it.

389
00:17:29,068 --> 00:17:30,516
I'll go ahead
and take care of my boys.

390
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,688
I mean, I did shoot them
out my salami rocket.

391
00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:35,067
I don't remember the time
in particular, but they mine,

392
00:17:35,068 --> 00:17:36,688
and I guess
that's what I'm going to do.

393
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:40,102
Good, I'll handle
Lil Kev's fight situation,

394
00:17:40,103 --> 00:17:42,516
and you deal
with Robert's fraud shit.

395
00:17:42,517 --> 00:17:44,309
I will.
What kind of fraud?

396
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,585
Man, fuck if I know.

397
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:49,274
Just handle it!

398
00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:50,757
I finally have a chance

399
00:17:50,758 --> 00:17:53,205
to help my oldest son
commit fraud.

400
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,930
My daddy ain't never
taught me shit!

401
00:17:58,448 --> 00:18:01,309
Damn, Kev,
you look like hell.

402
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,654
Who'd you get in a fight with,
Mike Tyson?

403
00:18:03,655 --> 00:18:07,033
- That's Comedy Kev!
- I know!

404
00:18:07,034 --> 00:18:08,654
Dude got jokes.

405
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,757
I get that, but that's
besides the point, Unc.

406
00:18:10,758 --> 00:18:13,033
All that matters is that
I changed the narrative.

407
00:18:13,034 --> 00:18:14,792
No, all that matters is
your mama's

408
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:18,654
going to kill me when she sees
what I let happen to you.

409
00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:21,412
I got to lead us
out this situation,

410
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:25,171
and I'ma need
powerful inspiration.

411
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,723
That's it!

412
00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:33,136
Thanks, Black heroes.

413
00:18:34,517 --> 00:18:36,723
Now, let's paint over
those bruises, Kev.

414
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,654
It's not the smartest idea
in the world,

415
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:41,033
but to be honest,
it's the only idea we got left.

416
00:18:41,034 --> 00:18:44,481
Weird, this looks just like
the mural I painted

417
00:18:44,482 --> 00:18:46,930
in my prison art class.

418
00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:49,688
Have any of your little friends
do time in Rockview?

419
00:18:49,689 --> 00:18:52,516
Ma'am, I'm sure that we can
deal with this misunderstanding

420
00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,999
as responsible adults...

421
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,619
Without the involvement
of law enforcement.

422
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:01,412
Mr. Hart,
your son is a criminal.

423
00:19:01,413 --> 00:19:04,136
He lied for months
to get free cafeteria food

424
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,826
that he sold for cash,

425
00:19:05,827 --> 00:19:08,688
saying he got a strung-out
and unemployed mother,

426
00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:11,826
eight siblings,
and a deadbeat father.

427
00:19:11,827 --> 00:19:14,999
- Only most of that is a lie.
- Ha ha.

428
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,654
Wait a minute.

429
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,826
Don't I know you
from somewhere?

430
00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:20,619
No, you do not.

431
00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:24,343
I'm an upstanding
Christian woman.

432
00:19:24,344 --> 00:19:28,447
Gloria, Glo, it is you!

433
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:31,792
You was Miss Crack Ho USA
in 1985.

434
00:19:31,793 --> 00:19:35,516
I remember!
It's me, Huffing Henry!

435
00:19:35,517 --> 00:19:37,585
You still juggling balls
for rocks?

436
00:19:37,586 --> 00:19:39,481
Ya-da-dee!
- Ugh.

437
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:41,964
I-I'm not proud of my past.

438
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:45,895
Ms. Gloria, you should be
ashamed of yourself.

439
00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:48,654
Motherfucker,
I just said I was!

440
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:51,481
Oh, Henry...

441
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:55,205
can we keep my past between us?

442
00:19:55,206 --> 00:19:56,964
both:
What's it worth to you?

443
00:19:56,965 --> 00:20:00,067
We got them fish sticks,
now made with real fish.

444
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:04,343
- Got them tater tots!
- Got them chicken pot pies!

445
00:20:04,344 --> 00:20:06,343
Now, the secret
to good makeup

446
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:09,309
is blending upward, like so.

447
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:10,723
We don't want you out here

448
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:14,136
looking like you had
an autopsy or nothing.

449
00:20:14,137 --> 00:20:16,792
- Oh, my God, I've been robbed!
- Uh-oh.

450
00:20:16,793 --> 00:20:18,792
- Nigga, don't make me cut you.
- Oh.

451
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:23,309
- Miss Green?
- Richard, from Cell Block 8?

452
00:20:23,310 --> 00:20:24,757
You two know each other?

453
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:27,343
Yeah, Miss Green
taught my art class

454
00:20:27,344 --> 00:20:29,205
while I was locked up.

455
00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:32,412
Man, she inspired me
to find my inner artist.

456
00:20:32,413 --> 00:20:35,792
And your uncle inspired me
to say it with my chest

457
00:20:35,793 --> 00:20:37,930
on a regular basis.

458
00:20:37,931 --> 00:20:41,205
Yeah, Unc, um, I still
don't know what that means.

459
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:45,102
Just a few more minutes,
ladies!

460
00:20:45,103 --> 00:20:46,585
I swear,
this is the last time

461
00:20:46,586 --> 00:20:49,757
I come to this unprofessional,
ghetto establishment.

462
00:20:49,758 --> 00:20:51,931
Never again.

463
00:20:57,896 --> 00:21:00,723
Nancy, got anything to say?

464
00:21:00,724 --> 00:21:04,067
You think you could fit me in
next Tuesday/Wednesday?

465
00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:05,930
Oh, sure thing, girl.

466
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,964
You'll be number 12.

467
00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:11,067
You see, Kevin,
the secret to good makeup

468
00:21:11,068 --> 00:21:13,516
is to use makeup, not paint.

469
00:21:13,517 --> 00:21:15,067
Looking good, Kev.

470
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:18,619
Your mama never know how bad
you got your ass beat today.

471
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:22,343
all:
Comedy Kev, Comedy Kev!

472
00:21:22,344 --> 00:21:24,964
Comedy Kev!
- Hey, Unc, do you mind if I--

473
00:21:24,965 --> 00:21:26,447
Nigga, go get
the fuck out of here

474
00:21:26,448 --> 00:21:27,757
and go be with your fans!

475
00:21:27,758 --> 00:21:29,964
Time for me to be
the master of my destiny.

476
00:21:29,965 --> 00:21:33,481
Hey, Rhe-Rhe,
here comes Comedy Kev.

477
00:21:33,482 --> 00:21:35,757
And thank you
for helping me out.

478
00:21:35,758 --> 00:21:38,826
Man, being a single mother
is no picnic.

479
00:21:38,827 --> 00:21:41,481
Uh, yes,
and no need for thanks.

480
00:21:41,482 --> 00:21:44,481
You were my favorite student
in the penitentiary,

481
00:21:44,482 --> 00:21:46,688
Back Slap Bill.

482
00:21:46,689 --> 00:21:49,723
Oh, dang.
I was pretty special, wasn't I?

483
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:52,067
All right, peep this.

484
00:21:52,068 --> 00:21:54,964
I'd love to get your digits so
I can give you a call one day.

485
00:21:54,965 --> 00:21:57,481
You know what?
I would like that, too.

486
00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,723
My number is 215...

487
00:21:59,724 --> 00:22:02,102
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

488
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:08,793
♪ Holding hands
under the moonlight ♪

489
00:22:10,931 --> 00:22:15,999
♪ Oh, whispering
sweet serenades ♪

490
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:19,585
♪ We'll dance till
the morning brings ♪

491
00:22:19,586 --> 00:22:24,136
♪ Feeling of love, it stays ♪

492
00:22:24,137 --> 00:22:28,344
♪ I'll be the one
now and forever ♪